Ugh.

Late-night sickness strike last night, possibly an allergic reaction to some medicine I was taking. Today was spent admiring the beautiful sunshine, and wishing I had enough energy to do something with it, but didn't, so spent most of the day reading, watching various TV, and surfing craft blogs.
I feel like such a loser with the triathlon training right now, mostly because I feel like I'm so hopelessly slow in everything and I don't feel totally healthy and do not have enough determination to stick with anything.
And that every free moment of my day is spent either doing homework, at school, or thinking about homework I should be doing. Enough already! They'll push me to an early grave. I've prematurely decided this weekend is going to be about chilling out, getting things done that I earnestly want to do just for my own satisfaction, and feeling well.
I would love for my life to be like these photos right now:



I almost forgot. I bought Dan Blakeslee's album, Lincoln Street Roughs, today and it is perfect, absolutely perfect.

Well...

The only things "happening" around here have mostly been (okay, all) school oriented. And, yes, I know it's only Tuesday. But I've been trying to get my homework done more completely, and I find I have very little time for anything else. And this, with 2 art classes!
Any way, writing an essay, poetry-recitation, polar graphs, making a bowl, painting, and learning about problems in the econommy. This is what my days consist of.

Just for kicks, here's a photo of 2 girls, both overladen with hair and Christmas spirit.

If you've got the time..

Here's something.

The other day the icy roads got the better of my wheels and I ended up in a snowbank, unable to get out. I didn't have a phone with me, or any idea what to do, so I tried shoveling myself out, but I was too deep in.
Long story short, total strangers eventually pulled up and between digging and towing, ended up helping pull my little Volvo out of the mess.
The anonymous help without question was overwhelming. With nothing in it for them except my "Thank you. Thank you sooo much. Thank you thank you soo much."
The good in people does exist, it really really does.

Otherwise, my weekend has consisted of painting my walls white. Compared to red, its actually...a relief.

as freedom is a breakfastfood
or truth can live with right and wrong
or molehills are from mountains made
-long enough and just so long
will being pay the rent of seem
and genius please the talentgang
and water most encourage flame

as hatracks into peachtrees grow
or hopes dance best on bald men's hair
and every finger is a toe
and any courage is a fear
-long enough and just so long
will the impure think all things pure
and hornets wail by children stung

or as the seeing are the blind
and robins never welcome spring
nor flatfolk prove their world is round
nor dingsters die at break of dong
and common's rare and millstones float
-long enough and just so long
tomorrow will not be too late

worms are the words but joy's the voice
down shall go which and up come who
breasts will be breasts and thighs will be thighs
deeds cannot dream what dreams can do
-time is a tree (this life one leaf)
but love is the sky and i am for you
just so long and long enough

A morning I don't like very much.

Hrmph.
I don't like this blog at all right now. Probably because I want it to be choc-full of cool things I do and make and it isn't.

A night for movies.

Tonight was spent watching first, the Simpsons Movie, with Ava, and then coming home, with intention to go to bed, but my mother was starting the movie Casanova, and seeing as I pledged my heart to Heath Ledger long, long ago, I felt I had no choice but to stay up and watch this also. I'm glad I did, because it was quite the happy movie.

Taking a break from homework. Econ book notes. Yech.
First day back to school wasn't so bad. I am glad tomorrow is Friday and then I have a 3 day weekend to catch-catch-catch up.
My throat hurts badly from....
Coffing. Coughing.
Coughing looks more painful.
Coffing is just polite 'hem-hem's.

...Cawphing.


Again, here I am. I was delaying homework to listen to our friend Bill, who's stopping over in town to crash on our couch, tell the reason of his trip. A bone-marrow transplant for his recently diagnosed sister.
He brought up the interesting subject, everyone who goes in that hospital wasn't expecting or wanted that cancer. It was so unexpected and so unwelcome and so earth-shattering and scary. The man with the rosary and the daughter, the couple, the woman wearing the brightly colored hats. What must it be like?

Bring out the straightjacket, Scotty.

Achh!
It's official.
I've gone insane.
I feel like the woman from The Yellow Wallpaper, creeping around her room at night, clinging to the walls, watching the flowers on her wallpaper slither around, seeing a woman on the other side, trapped behind the flowers, ripping and tearing at the wallpaper, finally driven mad to the point of believing she WAS the woman in the wall.

All because they prescribed her bedrest for her illness.

My red walls are driving me insane. I hate them. Haaate them. Yesterday, I almost rushed down to the garage to grab a bucket of paint, ANY color, and frantically start splashing it on the walls. I would have too, had I not been too weak and dizzy to leave my bed.

They are no longer an exuberant, bright color, full of outgoingness and cheer. They are the color of blood and anger and RAGE! Okay, okay, not quite. But they are the farthest thing from quieting.

3 days stuck in bed does a number on one's nerves.

step on my pillow

Most people call someone up when they feel lonely.
Me? Nah.
I create my own friends.

Paper signed.
Chapters 3+4, 3 copies of poem.
5.5B and Review.
Chapter 7-problem set Friday.

I've been home-ridden, with an infected foot (eww) this weekend. I tried out vegan french toast this morning, not bad. A little soggy. I'll perfect it eventually.

I've been reading a lot about hitchhiking around Europe, living out of a backpack, etc. It's pretty exciting. Someday, someday. What I really need to do is make friends with a Mr. T type character who will travel with me and protect me, to eliminate the whole danger of lone-hitchhiker situation. I would want to go with somebody. Any takers?

'an angel would be nice' she thought,
amidst the buzzing flies.
someone to watch her once or twice,
to kiss her on the eyes.
If she had wings, or windy things
or even birds to fly
the sky would seem just like a dream
but she reads a book of lies.

on a wednesday

I'm frustrated and I don't know why.

on a tuesday

Hm. I feel like I need to write something. It's a comfort thing, having a new post on my blog. It keeps up with my life.
New things to note:
I have a new schedule. 2 art classes!
I passed AP Econ! With a D, but man, oh man, I'm still in it.
I got a 3.0!
I'm vegan.
I painted over a painting to start afresh.
My mom made guacamole and it's sooo good.
I'm reading a book on logic just for fun and it's actually really interesting.
I just got my teeth cleaned-no cavities.

My life is so good. Everything is wonderful.
Doesn't mean I'm totally happy. I mean, I am, sort of.
I'm not sad.
I just feel isolated. Sort of.
The feeling where you're standing in a crowded hallway, not moving, and you have the sense of everyone moving around you, just people and people and people, and there you are. And they all walk by, but you don't know anybody.
And they don't know you. And they don't care to know you.
And it's okay, because you don't really want to know them. They're just people, and you don't need to be surrounded. You don't need to talk all the time. And its not a sad feeling. Just, like, insignificance.
And it's not tragic. I'm happy.
I just get held up inside of myself and the rest and I need to Get Out.
And then I'm fine. I'm fine.

holy helpless homeless man
won't you sing a tune
bewildered by the sore-eye sights
made brighter by the moon
you had a voice as clear as glass
you made the women swoon
but pack your bags and say good bye
the train is coming soon

once in a while when you were young
before this bird had flown
streets of gold, they shone with light
before these patches all were sewn
looking in your wrinkled eyes
is when I come back home
you and I, we understand
what it means to be alone.