Bring out the straightjacket, Scotty.

Achh!
It's official.
I've gone insane.
I feel like the woman from The Yellow Wallpaper, creeping around her room at night, clinging to the walls, watching the flowers on her wallpaper slither around, seeing a woman on the other side, trapped behind the flowers, ripping and tearing at the wallpaper, finally driven mad to the point of believing she WAS the woman in the wall.

All because they prescribed her bedrest for her illness.

My red walls are driving me insane. I hate them. Haaate them. Yesterday, I almost rushed down to the garage to grab a bucket of paint, ANY color, and frantically start splashing it on the walls. I would have too, had I not been too weak and dizzy to leave my bed.

They are no longer an exuberant, bright color, full of outgoingness and cheer. They are the color of blood and anger and RAGE! Okay, okay, not quite. But they are the farthest thing from quieting.

3 days stuck in bed does a number on one's nerves.

step on my pillow

Most people call someone up when they feel lonely.
Me? Nah.
I create my own friends.

Paper signed.
Chapters 3+4, 3 copies of poem.
5.5B and Review.
Chapter 7-problem set Friday.

I've been home-ridden, with an infected foot (eww) this weekend. I tried out vegan french toast this morning, not bad. A little soggy. I'll perfect it eventually.

I've been reading a lot about hitchhiking around Europe, living out of a backpack, etc. It's pretty exciting. Someday, someday. What I really need to do is make friends with a Mr. T type character who will travel with me and protect me, to eliminate the whole danger of lone-hitchhiker situation. I would want to go with somebody. Any takers?

'an angel would be nice' she thought,
amidst the buzzing flies.
someone to watch her once or twice,
to kiss her on the eyes.
If she had wings, or windy things
or even birds to fly
the sky would seem just like a dream
but she reads a book of lies.

on a wednesday

I'm frustrated and I don't know why.

on a tuesday

Hm. I feel like I need to write something. It's a comfort thing, having a new post on my blog. It keeps up with my life.
New things to note:
I have a new schedule. 2 art classes!
I passed AP Econ! With a D, but man, oh man, I'm still in it.
I got a 3.0!
I'm vegan.
I painted over a painting to start afresh.
My mom made guacamole and it's sooo good.
I'm reading a book on logic just for fun and it's actually really interesting.
I just got my teeth cleaned-no cavities.

My life is so good. Everything is wonderful.
Doesn't mean I'm totally happy. I mean, I am, sort of.
I'm not sad.
I just feel isolated. Sort of.
The feeling where you're standing in a crowded hallway, not moving, and you have the sense of everyone moving around you, just people and people and people, and there you are. And they all walk by, but you don't know anybody.
And they don't know you. And they don't care to know you.
And it's okay, because you don't really want to know them. They're just people, and you don't need to be surrounded. You don't need to talk all the time. And its not a sad feeling. Just, like, insignificance.
And it's not tragic. I'm happy.
I just get held up inside of myself and the rest and I need to Get Out.
And then I'm fine. I'm fine.

holy helpless homeless man
won't you sing a tune
bewildered by the sore-eye sights
made brighter by the moon
you had a voice as clear as glass
you made the women swoon
but pack your bags and say good bye
the train is coming soon

once in a while when you were young
before this bird had flown
streets of gold, they shone with light
before these patches all were sewn
looking in your wrinkled eyes
is when I come back home
you and I, we understand
what it means to be alone.