these are strange days

This morning's sunrise. It's Sunday evening now. It's so dark. My brother is here, making some sort of dessert thing that he had me run down to the store for ingredients. I always start writing these posts when I don't feel like being eloquent. And I was just told to go study economics. So I think I'll just post this, and then come back and explain the "strangity" of these days later, when I have a little bit more time. This is my scarf by the way. I got the pattern/inspiration from iHanna's il bloggo. It's so pretty and soft. I've had to rip it up a lot, I keep tripping up, so it's a little knobbly and uneven, but as my mom said, it adds character.

I suddenly feel like a different person, from the roots of my soul come a gentle coersion.

It's been a while. I suppose I will list whats been happenin' round these parts:

• I got in a car wreck. Bleh. I hit a lady's bumper and cried and got 2 points on my spanking new license.
  
• I did a 2-day, 18-hour yoga training. I so dearly love yoga. I am very excited to become a flexy bendy yogi.
  
• Took the PSAT. No biggie.
• We might be investing in a little Volvo for meeee to drive. My France money drains...sigh..
• Belly dancing lessons! I'm having so much fun with it. Its so twisty and the music is so movable.
• The photo is the latest product of photography. I do love that class right now, its the least stressy.
  

Nothing exciting, but I've been breathing deeper, and I got to bed at 9:30 last night. I guess I'm trying to take better care of myself.

One Lucky Girl.

That, my dears, is snow. On the mountain. It was snowing today, it really was. On comes winter! In accordance with this weather, I got a new coat today. Oh, marvelous woolen coat.

This whole weekend has been marvelous. Yesterday I took and passed my driving test, and to show for it I have a lovely Provisional License.

To celebrate, I drove myself around and got new new new fabric.
And Ava and I have a new song that I love. I am taking the PSAT this week (blehhh) but the week ends a day early (wonderful inservice) and I am taking the 2 day super-intense yoga training Saturday and Sunday, to become licensed as a yoga teacher (nervousss). I am such a happy camper.

Frabjous Day!

Calloo, callay!
I am to be the recipient of..oh, I don't like the sound of that..
Toastandcupcakes is going to make me a bag!!! This makes me so happy!
And my mom and I made our own bread this weekend, and ate it for dinner with mushrooms and mozarella tonight, Soo Good.
And I've been drawing a lot lately, and since I have no other pictures, I guess I'll share some of them.


And something I did in class.



This is just a cool picture of the clouds from the other day. Sheesh.


I need more exciting things to photograph. Like wild animals or wild people. "Enough of these cloud pictures!" But they fascinate me, every single day they do.

These pictures came in the mail this morning, from my summer trip to visit my aunt and uncle and cousin, who live outside of Seattle. My cousin was adopted from China, and she is most marvelous human being. At the picnic table, thats my step-cousin, she's...13 I believe, who also came up to visit.
The water you see behind us is surrounding the San Juan islands. From where I am perched on that rock, I watched at least 30 Orcas swim by. It was incredible. While I was watching them, I kept thinking things like, "I should be a marine biologist. I want to swim with whales. They are so amazing. I want to be a marine biologist." But now, looking forward, I don't want to be a marine biologist, biology classes bore me to tears. But oh, they were amazing.
This morning should last forever. I feel like its slipping away, and I need time to get things done, but I also want my doing-stuff-but-not-really time. Like blogging or organizing pictures on iPhoto and taping newspaper clippings to my wall. It's a beautiful sunny-frosty morning.

It was a reality check, and it was the last thing she wanted.

Totally honestly, when you meet somebody wonderful, but they couldn't care less about you, because they have their own sparkly life to return to, it has left me feeling claustrophobic, not of people, but of my own life. Where I am. How stuck I feel. They leave, and I'm still here. But after the initial loneliness, and being totally pissed off because they come in and show me how wonderful life could be and then take off, its left me repeating to myself "So just keep living with what you have." Its been making me focus on just keeping my life chock full of things I love. Keep it as exciting as I can, and then eventually, I get to leave too.
Or I wonder if its just a ploy to keep my mind as busy as possible, to try and forget this guy.
Leaves me with that self-conscious question: Why not? Am I good enough?
I'm vague because I'm shy and superstitious.

a lonely post

Mushroom from my delicious dinner of Portobello mushroom, eggplant, goat cheese, and baguette dinner yesterday. And oh, new things, new things. In the picture containing the many objects, you may view the ALPACA SWEATER in the background, I'm am so in love with it. And a New Waterbottle in a lovely color. And NEW SHOES, so I don't have to wear my sandals in the snow. And from a lovely trip to the bookstore, new BOOKS. And, on the right, a trip to the bead store so I could make a new necklace. A pretty bead. The owner of the shop had just returned from India, and she told us of the amazing persistence and hard-wrking nature of the people there, and the beautiful craftsmanship resulting. How I long to visit.Honestly though, I've been feeling lonely. I come home after school and I feel like everyone else is off busy with activities and friends, while I am cooped up, so far away from everyone. I like my time alone, but after school is just such a slow time of the day, when I feel like conversing and just being with people. "Do you homework", you might say. I feel too lonely to do even that. So I read a lot, and playing guitar, and writing on my typewriter. Which is okay, but it sure does get lonely.
My mom is coming home from a weekend in Boston for her mom's funeral, her plane arrives tonight. Its about 10h30 right now, she's coming home in about 2 hours. My dad just left, we made our own granola bars before he left. And talked, more than we have in a long time. I asked him if he was going to marry his girlfriend, and he said yes, he probably will. And we talked about him moving on, and my mom moving on, and how it makes him sad that I've been feeling lonely, and that we're going to do what we can to get me a car, or at least stuff to do.
Such as, in about 2 weeks, there is an intense YogaFit training I'm signed up for. Its so I can become a licensed yoga teacher. I don't feel like material for a yoga teacher. I'm a quiet, slightly overweight 16-year-old girl. Me, teach yoga? Why not? I really love yoga. So yes, I think I will.
My brother moved out today. I am an only child. Or thats what it feels like. I think I'm going to move into his room, but not for a while, until he's really moved out moved out. Like, when it doesn't feel like he's coming back. The house will be quieter. Even quieter. Its been a little too quiet.